FORGIVEN BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

Matilda
Picture taken from the movie “Matilda”

 

As “She” patrolled, devilry reeks into the corridors

Her steps were soft and unheard with the intentions to hunt down her prey;

She was tall and mean, Harassment was her strategy

Her eyes were blue and wide- sharp and vicious;

“Don’t make eye contact when you cross paths with her-“

We were forced to call her, “mother”.

I was 13 years old, young and afraid to be introduced to this ‘bully’- with a simple heart my parents thought she was the best,

She disguised herself almost as The Angel Gabriel himself which only lasted till my parents left-

Boarding school was all that was left with me and “I” was all that she could possibly see.

I was so little and she was so big, my body would shiver in cold sweat when she yelled at me mercilessly but I was too young to stand for myself, unfortunately

Bumped into a ‘tribal friend’ who was exactly like me- we somehow understood there was a touch of discrimination because she hated us the same way; but we were only 13 years old, too naive to even understand her game

There were times she’d identify petty issues and made sure we were the last to serve our food; There were times she’d embarrass us because she’s sadistic or serve us very little to see our unhappy mood

She’d laugh at our tears and depression, which triggered suicidal thoughts- she’d jump to conclusions and wreck our reputation; we became victims of her infamous plot

There were times she’d make me stand in the cold for hours when I tried to speak up- My homework would be left unfinished and my copies would leave remarks saying, “follow-up!”-  I remember her words when she told me to pay for my sins; she said I had to face all sorts of punishment the same way my Saviour did- How I wanted to correct her but my silence got the best of me~

My darkside was awakened and she- “She” was my first enemy

Complaints flooded against her, I was eager for a solution~ I prayed that she’d leave or she’d be good to me, I was desperate for mental peace!

She had her way with words because she was a respected senior- those complaints barely scrapped her knees- she barged into our rooms… she screamed and threaten to hit us… that night- we had no sleep.

Rounds and rounds of the football field- she wanted to forbid us to talk to our families, we’d take rounds till our little legs felt numb and there she was- watching us like we’re troublesome

I cried under the freezing showers of November~ No sleep during the day or night; She’d patrol in our dormitories with a torchlight lit directly at our sleeping eyes…

Traumatic Flashbacks

Bullies are distorted people that come in different forms- they have no respect and regard for age or size; They’re cowards, lonely, filled with insecurities because that’s their only platform

How do you smile when you know you’ve done so much wrong?

How does it feel~ to FAIL.

If I could, I would tell my 13 year old self, “Courage is fire~ You can tremble in fear, even eat your words, cry or get pushed but always stand strong against injustice; Sculpt yourself into an image of a woman that carries with her- Dominance, Wisdom and Toughness”

Even when-

“She” was a teacher.   

 

 

~Melanie Pariat

4 thoughts on “FORGIVEN BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

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